worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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