He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
