Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
