Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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