Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
