I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
