WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
