my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
