med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He better not be in your backpack
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
