I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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