After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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