I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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