I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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