wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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