you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
