I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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