you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
