If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
