i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
