i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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