Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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