if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
