Need sex. Gaining weight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
