She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think my moral compass just broke
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
