I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
