True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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