I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
