dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
