so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
