i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
