Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
