I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
