The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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