I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
