So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
