Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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