I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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