no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
