My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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