I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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