Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
