Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
