Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
