i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
