so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
