the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
