Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
