You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
