I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
