FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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