My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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