guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
