You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
